my story
by AliceKirklandGal
Summary: Many people do not know this about, one Darkangels1112, but she is a Christian. She goes to church every Sunday; she reads her bible –probably not as much as she should- and she prays to her lord. This is the story of how she came to be a Christian. i'm just gunna put T as the rating becuase i am.


Ok readers that follow me! Hiya! Ok so I haven't ever been known to show off my Christian side and I thought it was high time I did! So no flames to the people that follow me and didn't know this. But this is a part of who I am and it always have if you continue to read.

_**Ok new peeps! This is my first Christian fict, (not really a fiction) and I'm new to this so be gentle! Its my very own personal story and it is what makes me, me.**_

_**I don't want to be all like 'hope you enjoy!' because this story is very dark and I don't even go into detail with it. I am taking something I love and I am using it to do god's works and help lift him up. So… like read… and stuff…**_

Many people do not know this about one Darkangels1112, but she is a Christian. She goes to church every Sunday; she reads her bible –probably not as much as she should- and she prays to her lord. This is the story of how she came to be a Christian.

I was born into a Christian home. I never really knew what being an atheist meant. But I loved the way I learned about our lord Jesus. My church was a great place to grow up in. the church family in it's self was like a village and it is said by many a person; it takes a village to raise a family. And that is exactly what happened. I spent my Sundays in the children's youth ministry singing songs I had no idea the meaning to and praying the same prayer every time so it was burned into my mind. Not that it was a bad thing. But it was for me. Somehow I lost myself. After my best friend moved away and I never saw him again I started to hate church because I couldn't see him anymore. I started to get angry as more of my friends started moving away and this time out of church. I grew a temper. Which was my childhood downfall. I got in fights and got in a lot of trouble. Not that I wasn't a nice girl to spend time with it was just unpleasant when you were not my friend or I just didn't like you. I had a teacher start bringing my good side out, I wish I knew if she was a Christian or not but I never found out. I got into the third grade and on the January of the New Year I had a friend and he invited his brother over. His brother and I went out bike riding and that is when he stole my innocence. I didn't know how to deal with it. I could barely even spent time with my father or even want him to touch me like he used to. I started to grow distant from god and my family. And just about everyone else. Somehow the popular girls in my grade found out and they confronted me with it and even started to make fun of me. I started to grow cold.

The next few years I had started dating. I found no value in myself and I didn't know I could find any in god. I jumped from guy to guy without a care. Why would I? Humans where cruel creatures anyway…

I got into middle school and I found darkness in my life that I never even thought I had. I found the evil in me and I tapped into it. I started to wear dark clothes, wear dark makeup. And started to dabble in magic. I am not proud of what I did. Through out my middle school years I continued to do this. I never have really gotten out of it. I never really got out of it. In my seventh grade year, my church had a function that I didn't really want to be apart of. I sang the songs half-heartedly, I played the games with a fire, but because they where fun and I came off as strange. And I am, but that's just the way I am and probably always will. I wasn't connected with the girls in my small group and didn't have any friends in church. The last night of the church function we all came together and our worship leader told us if we wished then we should come up to the front and pray to god. A girl in our group went up and I was surprised. She was in tears and I didn't understand why. I went up with her and held her as she cried and I finally realized she was thanking god for all the things she had. I was dumbfounded. I remember perfectly clear what happened next. "Alright, I know we didn't plan this," said our worship leader. "But here's a song that I think would be perfect to play right now." and that's the first time I heard that song. The song that struck so much truth into my life, I had no idea why but my mind just clicked. Before I heard this song I was terrified of death. I was scared of how I would die, and I dwelled on the subject because my fear fed me. The song I heard was How He Loves. And my heart soared. Tears came to my eyes and I realized that everything that happened in my life had to happen to realize I was being stubborn and that Christ was the way the truth and the light and no one came to the father except through him. Every time I listen to that song I break out in tears at some point just thinking about the words. Just knowing that he loves us was over whelming for me. I went home that night and stayed on the porch and cried my eyes out my mind filled with my newfound knowledge. My mother came out and asked me what was wrong and I said to her.

"It feels like my hearts going to burst, I didn't realize how much god loved me." And my mother smiled and hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder. That night was the first time I slept soundly in seven years. And I woke up the next day completely refreshed.

Years later, I still get off the track –like now- and I have to force myself to look to him. But now I don't do it alone. Two nights before my first mission trip I had a sleep over with my entire small group of girls and I felt completely out of place. We sat up until five in the morning talking to each other me being shy as I usually was around them. We sat in a circle and every one told every one what they first thought of them. Each said they thought I was strange. I wasn't surprised. But I felt a little hurt that, that was all I had brought to the table. I remember snapping at one of the girls one day because I was holding a conversation and was interrupted. It was my fault but I still got angry. It came around to my turn and I realized I didn't have any 'what I thought of you now' kind of things. Only one of the girls went to my school and I barely had any friends anyway so I knew none of them beyond the surface of their skin. They all sat at attention and I was surprised. Girls would interrupt the others when others would speak. But everyone was silent when it came to my turn. "Guys quiet! Its darks turn to speak!" said one girl. (I am using my user name for safety purposes) I was completely shocked. I thought all of these girls where snobs who could do better with their time. I actually thought they would skip over me! I looked at all the girls and tears came to my eyes. I started to cry and told them I didn't feel apart of the group and I never felt that way. I was heart broken. And they where surprised. Some girl's eyes widened and they where shocked at the thought they actually isolated me from the group. One girl held me as I cried and I was surprised.

"We never meant to make you feel that way." Said one girl.

"We never even would have thought you felt that way." Said another.

"Tou just acted so happy all the time." Said another. They all agreed. And so did I. I had a mask on and hid behind it so no one could hurt me. I wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around for more then you needed. After that night I felt so relieved. I had my friends and I was going out of my comfort zone to help those who needed me, more then I did. We went south and I was surprised. On that mission trip is where I met him. The man I love more then anything. I would do anything for him if he asked me to. And with god at my side I would have to power to back it up. But being the idiot I was, had something standing between me, and the man I adored more then life it's self. I already had a boyfriend…

I didn't handle it the best of ways. I couldn't go over to his house, and he never spoke to me anyway. He treated me more like the girl he was around then like I was his girlfriend. I wanted something to be committed to. I wanted a relationship I could learn from. I broke up with him over the phone. Yes I know it was a bad idea! Worst idea my brain hatched. But I did. I broke up with my boyfriend and I started to pursue him. I started to go after the man I love and the best thing was that he loved god just as much as he would love a girlfriend, maybe more. But I was completely fine with that. I told him everything. He told me everything. I am still tusundere around him. (Meaning I have a hard shell but on the inside is a soft candy coating). When he grabs my had I freak out, slap him in the face then later snuggle up next to him. I think I confuse him a lot, but the best thing is that he deals with it. And loves me anyway. We started to date and we became an item. We still are in fact. He keeps me on track as needed and I cant do it for him because he doesn't need it but he helps me understand things I would never be able to do. God keeps me with him and my heart knows what are important thanks to him. He taught me that there are some things bigger then me and that I just have to deal with it. Even though he treats me like a queen. And I set him straight a lot! To this day I have god here. I watch Christian movies with my boyfriend; I read a lot of Christian books. I lost myself again on Fanfiction. But I ease into things better. Maybe once I finish this I can write more Christian things. Maybe my crazed Yaoi mind will fizzle into nothing and I can be more into god through Fanfiction. I can gain more Christian companions and with that grow in my faith. Amen.

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_**so what did you guys think? I know you cant really have an opinion since this is like a personal story but what was it that kept you reading? Did you keep reading? And please y'all I really want to know so just leave a little comment! I don't want people to be like well then! And leave without having learned something from my story. This is my story and I hope some people have gotten what I mean by all this. Meaning the mask is what destroys you. I hid behind my mask and that was what protected me and it just ruined my life with other people. If that is what you got from it then say in your comment: 'dude, I like, toats got that man, no need to splain!' and I'll completely understand! Anyhow tell me whats goinz on!**_


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